15th
… so it grows and goes
For many years I have had this persistent inner voice that told me I was meant to do more with my life. Although I earned a good living, had a wonderful family and friends, I was restless and unsatisfied. I wanted more and but was unsure of what more was. I lacked the courage and confidence to take action. Many nights I thought what would my life be like if I had the courage and strength to overcome my self-doubts, fears and concern for what others thought. From my work with hundreds of other people, I knew my quest was not just my own. Many people have longed to break their self-imposed limitations and lead their own lives, but they lacked the courage and self-confidence to do so. Not living faithfully to my authentic self created a void. It was time to use my critical life energy for the pursuit of things I truly value.
And so began my journey. After years of talking with people on different spiritual journeys, attending workshops, reading books from some of the worlds great teachers, it was time for me to take my own advice. Against the advice of many, I left a successful career, the comforts of suburbia, the family and friends that loved me, sold everything I owned and left for Mexico. This was my inner passion. I could no longer play the game of life trying not to lose, trying to play it safe. I chose to win. To do otherwise was to deny who I am. I was beginning to become my authentic self. Now I have chose to move back to the USA and the journey contuines. I feel a sense of being lost again as I have returned to my culture of orgin, and begin a new process of becoming authentic.
I have realized that my authentic self is the me that can be found at my absolute core. It is the part of me that is not defined by my job, my function, or my role. It is the combination of all my abilities, wisdom, unique gifts, values, and strengths. Every one of us has everything we will ever need, to do and have everything we ever want and need. God or the Universe has started everyone of us with all we will ever need to successfully fulfill our role. We have all the tools and ingredients to get out in the world and live as our authentic selves.
The journey to become this person must begin with an understanding of how I got where I am now. The self that runs my life now did not just happen, it is the result of key relationships, events and messages that I have picked up on during my journey through life. It is my reaction( sometimes over reaction) and interpretation to external events.
It is the messages I choose to hold onto and those I choose to ignore. To look at this self-development can be an exciting process and very scary. There are many ways to contiune this quest. There are books, teachers, and groups but most importantly there is my inner wisdom that I must begin to trust more that has all the answers I will ever need. As I make the conscious decision to become more and live a more authentic life, the answers will come. It is up to me to find the courage to listen to that inner wisdom and have the courage to risk making change.
